SCATTERGUN - Movie Reviews

PONYO

2010-02-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

Ponyo is the latest Hayao Miyazaki film from Studio Ghibli (Miyazaki writing, directing and animating which is always good news). The plot, simply put, is a little magical fish attempting to escape her father, become human and hang out, on land, with a young boy named Sosuke.

Visually, Ponyo is right up there with Miyazaki's most recent efforts (Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle), but Ponyo has it's own aesthetic identity, with brighter colours and some beautifully simplistic characters, that really sets it apart. Despite some of the simplicity there are some incredibly detailed underwater scenes that kick the shit out of any western animation you're ever likely to see.

It's incredibly imaginative and almost every shot is perfect and gorgeous in every way. The characters are sweet and funny, there are many parts where you will chuckle and laugh quite a bit. It has a much lighter tone than Spirited Away (the film that all Miyazaki films are now compared to as it is generally regarded as the best), but don't think that this makes it "Miyazaki light" or "Diet Ghibli" or whatever the narrowminded critics are calling it. What makes this film officially my favourite Studio Ghibli picture is that it caters to no one yet should satisfy everyone and is just so perfect.

But if you don't like simple storytelling, loveable characters, good humour, amazing visuals, epic and detailed underwater sequences, fish, waves that can be tickled, mad ocean wizards possibly voiced by Liam Neeson, surreal and magical movie-making and my favourite film of 2010 so far and one of my top ten films ever then... you know... fuck you.

TAYLOR LONG-TER

2010-02-07T10:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, so Taylor Lautner is going to be playing Stretch Armstrong in the new film.

And it's going to be in 3D. And, more than likely, god awful. Why is Hollywood spluffing its pants over boardgames/toys and 3D so much right now?

WORST FILM TITLE OF 2010 SO FAR

2010-02-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

Almost gave this prestigious reward to "Multiple Sarcasms", but that title is faintly clever.

This subject will no doubt be revisited.

GUY RITCHIE'S SNATCH

2010-02-05T05:57:00.001-08:00

I don't think Guy Ritchie really thought it through when he decided to call his second feature-length film "Snatch" as it can then be referred to as I did in the title and it sounds a bit rude. Then again I don't think Guy Ritchie thought anything through concerned with Snatch. I got some odd looks from my peers when I loudly exclaimed that Snatch was a big pile of shit and I suppose that is a little harsh and if I wasn't so ready to slate it I might have enjoyed a small part of Snatch.

Actually, that's not true, I did enjoy a little bit at the beginning (and most of the parts with Brad, my god) I enjoyed it before the story kicked in. I'm not going to talk too much about Guy Ritchie's generally irritating directing style of "woosh, zoom in there BAM! Gun shot noise! Freeze frame with that guy's name! POOSH!" like a fairly rich young chav has just gone to film school and seen an old Edgar Wright flick and thought, "that camera work is a bit still". It's the writing that kills the film, all these twists and all these characters you don't give a shit about. Their dialogue, Jason Statham's forced and cringey attempts at humour saying "zee Germans" three times to the sound of crickets chirping in sensible cinemas everywhere. I sort of liked the one guy who fed people to pigs, but only because I'd heard him dubbed over Darth Vader on YouTube before I'd seen the film.

This review is somewhat demeaning. Ritchie did manage to cobble together a film using all the deleted scenes of "Lock, Stock" and for that I am a little impressed. There was a moment during one of the boxing scenes that I was half-enjoying because the Pitt was in it when I thought "this is a bit like Raging Bull... that's a really good film, I wish I was watching Raging Bull right now... I've got to get that on Blu-Ray" so I will, and you should too.

TRAILERS TRAILERS TRAILERS

2010-01-26T15:45:00.000-08:00

Seems like all I do is put up trailers...

I probably won't see this at the cinema, but I like Val Kilmer talking to the missile and I like Will Forte shooting the dual Uzis. Hopefully this film will out-do "Get Smart" and make Mr. Forte into a well-known comedy star. He deserves it.

Comedy men that elevate any comedy film:

- Danny McBride

- Craig Robinson

- Rob Corddry

- Jermaine Clement

- Demetri Martin

- Andy Samberg

- Paul Rudd

- Will Ferrel

- John C. Reilly

- Lots more I can't think of right now... Jason Schwartzman!

Here is a perfect trailer. The correct length, good-looking and doesn't give too much away which is something many trailers miss. Because of the latter the trailer does its job, I want to see this documentary and I'm not a documentary fan.

SPIKE JONZE IS COOL

2010-01-25T10:24:00.001-08:00

CYRUS

2010-01-25T10:17:00.000-08:00

Wikipedia's definition of Mumblecore:

"Mumblecore is an American independent film movement that arose in the early 2000s. It is primarily characterized by ultra-low budget production (often employing digital video cameras), focus on personal relationships between twenty-somethings, improvised scripts, and non-professional actors."

Cyrus is not ENTIRELY mumblecore, because it has popular, known actors to help it get into the mainstream market and make more money. So it will be known as a cross-over mumblecore film. That is a bit of a mouth-full so you can just call it a wicked film that looks like its going to be wicked.

IMDB'S TOP 250

2010-01-23T05:25:00.000-08:00

I am ashamed to say I haven't seen 94 of the 250 films on IMDb's astonishing and revealing list of what we the (internet) people rate as the best films.

So I have challenged myself to see all of them before the end of the year and review each one (most of them). I'm going to start with Guy Ritchie's Snatch. which as you can see has a full-stop in it! I've been assured this film is "really good" and as it is 20 places above The Graduate it must be true. Anyway I'll return to this.

Here is the IMDb list: HERE

IT'S COMPLICATED

2010-01-21T15:03:00.000-08:00

My mum saw it last night and she says it's quite funny...

THE ROAD

2010-01-21T13:43:00.000-08:00

Like the truest of true film fans I've not read Cormack McCarthy's "The Road" and probably won't now that I've seen the film. In most book/film cases I'd advise you either read it or watch it and never do both. Obviously if you're a fan of the book you'll probably want to watch the film, but this is a terrible idea, because one of two things will happen:

1. You'll say "that was [BLANK], not as good as the book" (placing "good", "satisfactory" or "shit" in the blank space depending on your view)

2. You'll remember the film and book as one big muddled-up memory and your recollection will be tainted and impure. Like reading "Fear and Loathing" having watched the film and reading it all in Johnny Depp's voice.

OR secret (and impossible) option number 3. In which you prefer the film.

People and so hard on films sometimes. Critics like to come across well read so they dare not see a film based on a book having not read the book, but this, as I have mentioned, is a terrible idea. So here is my pure review of "The Road" the film, on its own, without any other medium affecting it.

It's really grey. It's the greyest film ever made in colour and some of the shots look absolutely incredible. Positive use of CGI backgrounds. Completely bleak and completely fitting. The acting is spot-on. Viggo is a personal favourite and always watchable, but he is especially watchable with a big apocalyptic beard. Beards really bring out the eyes and the sorrow (watch Jeff Daniels' performance in The Squid and the Whale for further indications of this). The young boy is a little annoying, but that is to be expected, he also has some charm and an incredible likeness to his on-screen mother (Charleeeeese).

There are some scenes that will haunt me forever. Scenes, that if you had read the book, would have a softened blow, but in my optimum film-viewing state, affected me greatly. It is not quite as bleak as the bleakest of films (The Mist and Gomorra to name a few within the bleak-genre) as the film keeps a wavering sense of hope, one that can be diminished by certain horrific incidents, but recaptured in moments of intimacy between the son and father.

In retrospect it's a neatly-made, nicely edited and beautifully shot story that is in no parts preachy. And I have a man-crush on Viggo "History of Violence" Mortensen

FOUR STARS

TOP TEN BEST FILMS (THAT I SAW) IN 2009

2010-01-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

I can't speak for all the Oscar-worthy films and hidden gems I failed to go and see such as:

- Milk

- Synecdoche, New York

- The White Ribbon

- Adventureland

- Drag Me To Hell

- The Cove

- Thirst

- Humpday

- Fish Tank

- The Hurt Locker

- Antichrist

- A Serious Man

(I left out Wes Anderson's The Fantastic Mr Fox because I saw it at an inferior cinema and want to view it a second time to help realise what I think of it. Oh and I don't think Inglourious Basterds isn't the masterpiece some people seem to think it is) But here are my personal faves:

10. ABATAP (AVATAR)

It's a touch too long (or epic as James Cameron Diaz might put it), but gawsh it's purdy. Many can attack the flimsy story, but it sets up some pretty sweet visuals. I can guarantee you, if you set your expectations low and see it at an IMAX screen you will be thoroughly entertained.

9. STAR TREK

More or less everything Abatap wasn't. Although the running time is a little over two hours you don't feel it at all thanks to some great performances, accomplished direction and alot of lens flare and hanging off cliffs. What really made Star Trek enjoyable (wasn't just that they realised they should make it more like Star Wars) was how it was rewritten in such an intelligent way that it wipes out the rest of the Star Trek mythos. Jabrams does it again.

8. THE CLASS

Now for something completely different. A French film, documentary style, positive use of "real people" instead of actors and genuinely compelling and thought-provoking throughout. Parents like it a lot.

7. CORALINE

The masterful Henry Selick takes on the legendary Neil Gaiman's story and pulls it off without a hitch. Not only is Coraline beautiful to look at, it's a kid's film that does not condescend. Featuring some genuinely creepy moments and showcasing Selick's recognisable stop-motion style. Many disagree with me but I think it's better than The Nightmare Before Christmas.

6. MOON

Sam Rockwell should win both Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor Oscars for Duncan Jones's thoughtful Sci-Fi debut. It really shows that you can make a good-looking and simplisticly brilliant Sci-Fi movie with a low 5 mil budget (something Michael Bay can't quite grasp).

5. DISTRICT 9

Another low budget Sci-Fi classic (YEAH classic!) film that people will remember for years to come. If not just for pig throwing, people-exploding guns, but for the emotionally intact performance from Sharlto Copley and whoever animated Christopher Johnson and son. Like Moon, this film references all the right Sci-Fi predecessors and yet remains, somehow, completely original.

4. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

Just thinking about it now has me looking over my shoulder and shutting the door to the landing. One of the only films on this list that I never want to see again. However, to propperly enjoy this film I insist that you leave your cynicisms at the door and watch it at a cinema or in a dark room without any distractions. I know you shouldn't have to do this if the film is genuinely brilliant, but you do if it's SCARY. And this film isn't fourth because it's good, it's fourth because it made me lift my knee to my chin and hide behind it.

3. WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

As we are aware, us white people love Spike Jonze. We also love the book "Where The Wild Things Are". So when the two are combined with a lovely and unique soundtrack by Karen O (some dismiss as shouting, but obviously don't remember the first song in the film) we get a film that perfectly evokes childhood and looks unlike anything you've ever seen before. I still dream of that wide shot of the fort. Deserves Oscars. It's also kid friendly don't listen to idiots.

2. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN

If it wasn't for my unashamed favouritism this Swedish vampire film would be number one. It has some fantastic unforgettable moments that really must be seen and also a completely genius mix of graphic horror and unbelievably sweet moments. Also fuck bullies.

1. UP

Sigh... unlike any other PIXAR film, or any other film for that matter, Up made me laugh throughout, but most importantly made me cry twice and only once from sadness. The second time I cried from pure happiness and upon leaving the cinema I realised that Up is one of my favourite films of all time. I saw it twice at the cinema, I don't know how many times I'll watch it on Blu-ray, but it needs to win Best Picture and Best Animated Film Oscars. Siiiiiiiiigh.

GONE WITH THE WIND IN SPACE

2009-12-19T03:53:00.000-08:00

This video is sort of boring, but skip to 0:32. I have lost all respect I previously had for Sigourney Weaver. How can anyone seriously describe any film as being like another film, but "in space"? I'm beginning to wonder if Avatar is actually an elaborate hoax to reveal the true ridiculousness of the movie industry, like Joaquin Phoenix's rap career.

HOT TIME TUB MACHINE?

2009-12-19T03:31:00.000-08:00

Only Craig Robinson can make me laugh by saying "hot tub time machine" and then pausing. With a completely unusual, bizzare and therefore brilliant cast this is set to be one of my favourite comedy films of next year. Most would write it off as stupid, but most people have never heard of Rob Corddry (he's the only reason you should watch: What Happens in Vegas, Harold and Kumar 2).

People would site Clark Duke as the weak link, but they've probably also never seen Clark and Michael, the online serial sensation featuring Michael Cera.

And having John Cusack in there for no apparent reason will hopefully boost the film's publicity and then eventually have more sweaty nerd like myself worshipping at the temple of Corddry:

TRAILERBURN

2009-12-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

IRON MAN 2

THE RUNAWAYS

COMPLETELY NECESSARY UPDATE

2009-12-18T05:56:00.000-08:00

What's better than giant scorpions?

KRAKEN

AND LIAM NEESON AND RALPH FIENNES

MONSTER

2009-12-15T05:17:00.000-08:00

In short Monster is the "biopic" of Aileen Wuornos (a prostitute) who became a serial killer after a horrific encounter with an evil man with a handle-bar moustache and trucker cap. I'd like to point out that it is a man with a handle-bar moustache and trucker cap in Mysterious Skin that beats the shit out of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and rapes him, maybe its the same dude.

Anyway the film is on one level, not really about a serial killer, but about a messed up woman finding love in the younger Selby, played by Christina Ricci. They make an odd couple, sort of like a female Marty McFly and John Merrick.

The film is good, it's nothing spectacular, the direction is competent and the acting is dead on. How much of this true story has been embellished, we don't know, but the film does seem to show Aileen as a victim of circumstance and I find that take slightly morally dubious. Of course they did call the film MONSTER, but then there is a little bit of crap voice-over where Aileen mentions a roller-coaster ride of same name that she was scared of for some reason I'm not sure I think it was supposed to be a metaphor for... life?

But the main reason most people will watch this film and gasp is the lovely Charlize Theron looking like a big sweaty toe with a face drawn on it without the eyebrows. "She's so brave" "What committment" "Oscar worthy performance!" Bollocks. Not bollocks to her performance which is pretty good, but bollocks to giving her an oscar for eating some cake and not wearing any make-up. This shouldn't be considered "method acting" or anything "brave" it should be considered as just acting. Charlize Theron is just doing her fucking job. The odd thing is, if she didn't look so awful and her acting was still good, you wouldn't notice, but I dare say the co-star of Hancock and soon Hancock 2 isn't quite Morgan Freeman.

That's my rant over. Good film, not nearly as dark as I'd hoped and a little too forgiving, but hey this is Hollywood. 7/10.

SAINT JOHN of LAS VEGAS (trailer)

2009-12-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

This modern retelling of Dante's Inferno stars Steve Buscemi in the title role as an ex-gambler who has to go back to Vegas for some reason, and also gets some off Sarah Silverman. It also features a midget, as his boss. This film looks excellent on its own, but with Buscemi playing the lead, I am very much looking forward to it. US release is 29th January, as for over here, I don't know, but fingers crossed.

THE GOOD THE BAD THE WEIRD

2009-12-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

Just before going to see Paranormal Activity (see lazy review below) I was fortunate enough to catch all 129 minutes of Ji-woon Kim's ridiculously spectacular western.

Anyone that enjoys action or films in general owes it to themselves to witness this film. Michael Bay could learn a thing or two from those wiley Koreans. It's a long film, but only dips once, unlike Transformers which dips whenever there isn't an explosion until you become bored of the explosions. Every explosion in The Good The Bad The Weird are great and when it is firing on all cylinders you'll be laughing and clapping like you've never seen moving images before. The photography is mind-blowing and consistently inventive throughout. I zoned out a bit at around 80 minutes in at the opium bar bit, but as soon as the big finale kicked off I was hooked until the cop-out ending.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

2009-12-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

REVIEW MISSING

Sorry too busy cleaning the shit out of my pants.

10/10. Go see it

Michael Bay directs underwear advert

2009-12-08T11:08:00.000-08:00

and it is the most ridiculous piece of advertising ever created. Watch in awe:

Keep watching until 1:14, because the generic advert backdrop behind the sexy women RANDOMLY EXPLODES

IRON MAN 2

2009-12-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

GET HYPED

HARRY BROWN

2009-12-04T07:37:00.001-08:00

Director: Daniel Barber
Writer: Gary Young
Starring: Michael Caine, Emily Mortimer, David Bradley
Released: 11th November

Even though Harry Brown stars Michael Caine, one of our greatest acting talents, this is a film that could make you extremely fucking depressed about being British. It starts off slowly, with director Barber showing depressing attention to detail when showing us pensioner Harry Brown's day to day life. Ten minutes in I made a vow to kill myself before I hit 60. Caine pulls off a lonely, sickly old man brilliantly.

Brown's motivations for the inevitable vigilante justice are equally grim - he watches chavs murder his best friend on a cameraphone. Look how modern this film is! Needless to say, the chavs are complete bastards. Anyway, after Caine walks about a grey estate in a manky old man's coat for a bit, the film gets going when he goes to buy a gun. This is the weirdest and easily the best scene in the whole film. The two messed up, drug ravaged dealers make for a brilliantly tense exchange - at one point, one of them puts the barrel of a gun in his own mouth, puts a rock of crack in the chamber and uses the gun as a crack pipe, while Caine just stares, shocked. Brilliant. This scene especially makes Harry Brown seem almost like a horror film, and a lot of the ingredients are there: dark colour palette; quiet LOUD bits; gratuitous violence.

After this, unfortunately, Harry Brown becomes less about Harry and more about the two cops who told him about his friend's death. The woman one in the partnership (Emily Mortimer) suspects that maybe Harry killed those chavs, meanwhile the man one is a dick and doesn't care. With the exception of Mortimer's DI Frampton, the police are callous, ineffectual idiots. She shines in the interrogation scene, despite a chav telling her that he'll stab her with his cock.

Then it all gets a bit weird. The chief of police basically starts a war with everyone on the council estate, and you begin to wonder where they got all those Molotov cocktails from so quickly. The action is good, but just out of place - earlier in the film, DI Frampton warns Harry Brown that "this isn't Northern Ireland, Harry" - referring to his Marines service record - and she's not, the final third of the film is nothing like Northern Ireland. With the run-down tower blocks, riot police and random stuff of fire, it's more like Mega City One in a Judge Dredd comic than actual South London. Despite the murderously Shakespearean climax and vague attempt at morally justifying all the violence, I was disappointed that Harry Brown didn't spend a bit more time on its titular character, who was a lot more interesting than lots of other things that Barber throws in.

JURASSIC PARK 4

2009-12-03T10:13:00.001-08:00

This is the film I'd like to see. What the preposed Jurassic Park 4 film will ACTUALLY be about I don't know (it's even been denied by producers that the film will even be made) but here's hoping the dinosaurs discover lazer guns and make us extinct.

The film has apparently been stuck in development hell since the release of the third film. The director of that film, Joe Johnston, is still set to direct it although if the plot does involve guns and dinosaurs a certain Mr Bay could be expecting a call.

YEAH!

SOME MORE HYPE

2009-11-30T00:58:00.001-08:00

HAVE YOU BOOKED YOUR TICKETS FOR ABATAP?

HYPE HYPE HYPE

2009-11-28T04:49:00.000-08:00

Been released in America already, but we have to wait a few weeks. Word on the street is that this is (like Fantastic Mr Fox) an adult-friendly, child UNfriendly, beautifully shot masterpiece. EXCITEMENT

BAD POSTER

2009-11-28T04:43:00.001-08:00

"Remember me" is quite a funny thing to put on such a forgettable poster. This is minimalism done wrong, to see it done right just look at the poster for Noah Baumbach's new film, Greenberg, which I'm looking forward to.

See the trailer here

CLASHING ARE THE TITANS

2009-11-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

Amazing tagline. Sick trailer.

Anyone that isn't looking forward to this must have missed the GIANT SCORPIONS

We're heading straight for Mount Everest

2009-11-23T14:43:00.000-08:00

To call Roland Emmerich's 2012 a good film would be wrong. The Shawshank Redemption is a good film, good gilms make you feel emotions and make you care for the characters. In 2012 John Cusack and his family get stuck behind two old dears in an old cadillac driving quite slowly. One of the old dears says to the other "here you hold these eggs Martha" or whatever the fuck her name was, but this all happens as they are being chased by the biggest earthquake never recorded. What's that you say? Earthquakes can't chase people? Of course they can. What's more is that earthquakes have an uncanny knowledge of comical timing in the sequence that follows. Cusack beeps at the old women and then decides to mount the pavement and charge through some front gradens. The camera then shifts to show the elderly motorists chugging along parallel only to have a big piece of ground shoot up and smack them in the face. INSTANT DEATH.

What follows is even more ridiculous, but equally enjoyable as Cusack and co manage to cheat death and fly away thanks to that surgeon that took a few flying lessons. The film then proceeds to present you with implausible CGI catastrophes mixed with long boring talking scenes that don't really connect you to the characters, but help make the billion foot tidal waves and surprise volcanoes all the more fun by comparison.

Now I get to the crux of this review and it is this. You have to see this film for one moment alone very near the beginning. When Chiwetel Ejiofor is talking to his Indian friend in a hot room underground there is a totally gratuitous shot of a man pouring ice into a bucket where another man is cooling his feet and after the initial hiss of the ice melting in the water subsides the man says, ".... Oh that is velly gud".

It's not a good film, but it's an enjoyable film. They save the puppy and kill the russian, but at least our dear Queen is saved.

Go see it if you are patient and have a good sense of the absurd. 7/10

P.S. Woody Harrelson is in it

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES

2009-11-18T08:22:00.000-08:00

I am sorry I am completely finished.

After you've cleaned up you'll probably put this on your Oscar list.
I might go see it.

THEY DON'T JUST MAKE ADVERTS FOR MILK

2009-11-17T11:27:00.001-08:00

THEY MAKE FILMS

However I do get the feeling this is a straight to DVD kind of deal and may not be getting cinematic release at all. Anyway here's a chart I made for all the other animated films coming out:

ALTERNATIVE MOVIE POSTER

2009-11-15T09:38:00.000-08:00

If you don't understand watch this: BAM

(big props to Fall On Your Sword)

Q. KICK ASS?

2009-11-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

A. KICK ASS!

And yes that IS that squeeky twat from Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging (2008). His name is Aaron Johnson and he's going to be a star!

(he's also in Nowhere Boy playing a young John Lennon, it's apparently not very good)

REVIEWERS AGREE TAKING WOODSTOCK IS...

2009-11-15T08:02:00.000-08:00

Here's another picture for fun:

(there are no angry pictures of Ang Lee anywhere)

Seriously Lazy Reviewing

2009-11-14T05:39:00.001-08:00

So who's excited about A Serious Man? I am, it looks wicked. But the movie press are seriously excited:

"Seriously funny"

"'A Serious Man': Seriously Brilliant"

"Seriously Funny Troubles Ahead"

"'A Serious Man' Is Seriously Good"

"Seriously hard to wrap your head around"

"Seriously sensational"

The word 'seriously' has now lost all meaning for me.

In other news:

GHOST RIDER 2

A sequel is on its way, directed by Blade series helmer David Goyer. He says it's going to be to Ghost Rider "what Casino Royale was to the Bond movies", eg a grittier, darker, more realistic reboot. This can definitely work with characters that a) inhabit something pretty close to the real world and b) have an already huge fanbase, eg Bond and Batman. But maybe not with a man who has magic demon powers and can turn his head into a flaming skull? I can see why they're doing this - the first film was completely slammed - but I'm not convinced it'll work.

MARK MILLAR MOVIE

One of the hugest and most original talents in comics is going to direct a superhero film, following on from his experiences on adaptions of his comics Wanted and Kick-Ass. We're not going to find out what it is til February, the upcoming Avengers film is going to be based on his Ultimates series, with maybe a bit of Civil War, so what else could it be? He's making it outside the studio system, so it's not going to be a Marvel or DC property. Some awesome original Millar hero, no doubt. Can't wait.
INDEPENDENCE DAY SEQUELS

Roland Emmerich, aka Galactus, Destroyer of Worlds, is to make not one, but two sequels to Independence Day. He's already mentioned that Will Smith is the only member of the original team who's not interested in returning, but this suggests that now he is, and now I am very excited. Anyone who doesn't like Independence Day doesn't understand what cinema is for, and two sequels, which will probably be in IMAX, hell yes. Emmerich says two films will have room for "a bigger arc," but who cares, he's just going to blow up more stuff.

List of landmarks Emmerich has not blown up yet and should blow up in Independence Day 2 & 3:

Stonhenge, England

The Space Needle, Seattle USA

Moulin Rogue, Paris

The Big Banana, Australia

JASON BOURNE GOES TO IRAQ

2009-11-13T06:48:00.000-08:00

Green Zone is the boring realistic name for Paul Greengrass's boring "realistic" action film that is disguising itself as an original, but is in fact... another Bourne film. If you want an official Jason Bourne title, look forward to 2011 where apparently we will be seeing more Bourne, because you can't have too much shakey-cam car chases and blurred close combat sequences right? I call it boring because anything that repeats itself eventually becomes boring no matter how exciting the original is.

Greengrass's style is so recognisable that he really needn't put "from the maker of the Bourne Ultimatum and Bourne Supremacy" in his trailers, Matt Damon's scrunched up little face does that all on its own. The words "gritty" and "realistic" send shivers down my spine not only because I prefer escapism in films, but because it's Hollywood's latest buzz-word and inescapable in modern action films.

I like realism when John McClane steps on glass shards and winces, but I also like that his wounds are completely superficial and make him look cool. It would be interesting to have an action film where the lead man's arm gets blown off or he slowly bleeds to death from a single gunshot, but it would only be interesting ONCE.

Anyway before I get too ranty, here are some suggested titles for Jason Bourne sequels:

- Jason Bourne On The 4th Of July (vietnam bourne film, may involve time-travel)
- Natural Bourne Killers
- The Unbourne (Jason Bourne's opposite, a very safe driver, likes petting cats OR a horror film where Jason Bourne discovers his unborn brother is Ben Affleck)
- Bourne To Be Wild
- The Talented Mr Bourne
- Bad Will Hunting
- Stuck On You 2: Stupremacy

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS

2009-11-09T16:32:00.001-08:00

Director: Grant Heslov
Writers: Peter Straughan, Jon Ronson (book)
Starring: George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey
Released: 6th November

This could just be the most entertaining war film ever made. While The Men Who Stare At Goats, a tripped-out buddy movie, is set mainly during the War on Terror, it is consistently hilarious, getting genuine laughs amidst the shoot-outs and kidnappings. It's an unapolagetically light-hearted film, from the Supergrass-scored opening credits onwards, and you're left in no doubt - the first scene features an army general running face-first into a wall, and Clooney's 'sparkly eyes technique' is hilarious.

Ewan McGregor has easily the least interesting part to play, the journalist thrust into an investigation of psychic warfare, and teaming up with Clooney's Lyn Cassady, the 'Jedi Warrior' on a secret mission. McGregor has a weird nearly-American accent, playing Bob Wilton, the fictionalised version of English journalist Jon Ronson. Clooney is the real star, obviously, playing the disillusioned, arrogant, hard-drinking Warrior Monk and his younger, more optimistic self with his usual charm and great use of eyebrows.

Spacey plays the well-written sort-of villain with his usual smoothness - tripping on acid, he points a gun at Clooney, then puts it in his mouth, then abruptly wanders off, mumbling "wow, I'm really hungry." Jeff Bridges as Bill Django, New Age mentalist and writer of the 'New Earth Army Handbook', is brilliant, advising the mulleted Clooney that "you can't free your mind until you free your feet." What's more amazing is that it's nearly all true - there really was a black ops psychic division, they did try to kill goats by staring at them, and so on. Pick up the book, it's a fascinating read.

The Men Who Stare At Goats looks like a war film, with the bleached browns and greys and sweat and dirt, but is really an unashamedly feelgood movie. The dark side of the War on Terror is barely touched on, and as soon as things get bad, you know they're going to get better, because it's so Hollywood. It doesn't preach - war is bad, great, but what we really need is escapism. Heslov, Clooney and co deliver it brilliantly, with heavy use of 'More Than A Feeling' by Boston. Quality.

FANTASTIC MR FOX

2009-11-09T15:43:00.000-08:00

Director: Wes Anderson
Writers: Wes Anderson, Noah Baumbach, Roald Dahl (book)
Starring: George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzmann
Released: 23rd October 2009

The Fantastic Mr Schwartz- oh, I'm sorry. George Clooney is the star of this film. I almost forgot. Clooney is excellent as always, making us really root for a character that, on paper, is a bit of a wanker. Anderson adds another conflicted, if by now over-familiar father figure to his body of work. But Schwartzmann's fox cub Ash, without a doubt, has all the best lines. I'm extremely glad that Anderson and Baumbach added the subplot with cousin Kristofferson, because it gives Schwartzmann a chance to shine, and wow, does he shine.

Don't take your kids to see this film. Yes, it's animated talking animals, but children will literally not understand a word of the inter-family relationships or anything else, really. Mr Fox gets his tail shot off and tells his son it will never grow back (an extremely dark moment in the book for me). All the swears are removed, which I like, especially the use of "clustercuss" and the graffiti in town that just said "CUSS".

There are some good cameos (my highlight was Bill Murray's badger, in his out-of-the-blue and weirldy hypnotic fight with Mr Fox), and the voicework is good all round. But the animation looks extremely weird to me. It's jerky and deliberately left-field: sometimes this works and really helps the comedy, such as when Mr Fox gobbles a huge plate of toast making 'nom nom nom' sounds or during the final dance number; at others, it's just disconcerting and out of place.

The puppets look great, though, as do the sets, Anderson keeping everything pastels and primary colours. It's so Wes that if you close your eyes you could almost be watching anything since Bottle Rocket. This isn't necessarily a criticism, but it definitely will be if his next film treads the same path. The final showdown has an interesting departure for Anderson: action. Apart from the fact that it's all puppets, and the smoke is obviously cotton wool, it's a well-choreographed and exciting scene. The shootout on the Belafonte was easily one of the best moments of The Life Aquatic, and I'd genuinely like to see more explosions in amongst all the father issues next time round.

This film looks good, it sounds good, it's funny, the animation really didn't do it for me, but Anderson pulls off another quirky family-com. Overall, this film is fantast oh I'm sorry please kill me.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

2009-11-09T03:51:00.000-08:00

Director: Terry Gilliam
Writers: Terry Gilliam, Hunter S. Thompson (book)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Benicio Del Toro
Release: 13 November 1998

Never has a director so masterfully translated the mind of a drug user as Terry Gilliam did in his masterpiece adaptation of “Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas”. The film stars Johnny Depp as oddball journalist “Raoul Duke” who travels to Vegas with his psychopathic attorney “Dr. Gonzo”, played by Benicio Del Toro. Although officially sent to cover the “Mint 400 Motorcycle Race” the duo takes it upon them to delve into the heart of the American Dream, armed with an array of illegal hallucinogenic drugs.

Rather than one central plot the film is more of an adventure, with the characters getting into various situations under the influence acid, mescaline, cocaine, ether and whatever else they packed away for the trip. The film is character driven, with Depp’s hilarious yet often insightful narration nicely tying together the different drug-addled adventures. Terry Gilliam’s film owes much to the novel it was adapted from, with much of the great dialogue and humour coming directly from the source material.

The true reason for this masterpiece is not just the hilarious dialogue or engaging characters but also how they represent the naive dreams of the lost hippie culture, like in “Easy Rider”. Las Vegas is depicted as being the epitome of the American dream gone wrong. A land of decadence, greed, prostitution and exploitation. A place, as Duke describes it, where “even the most serious crimes go unnoticed”.

Behind the fun of this two hour acid trip is a serious message about the collapsed American Dream of the 1960’s. The film, like the book, is set in 1971 with the main characters Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo being a represented as refugees from the acid wave generation. I’m reminded of Fight Club in the sense that this film delivers a serious sociological interpretation of American culture and the notion of the “American dream” through hilarious dialogue, innovative direction and outstanding acting.

9/10

BATTLE FOR TERRA (Trailer)

2009-11-05T09:34:00.000-08:00

Is this even a kids' film? I'm so confused.

You want the news? You can't handle the news!

2009-11-05T08:25:00.000-08:00

DON QUIXOTE

Don Quixote, by Miguel Cervantes, is a book about an old man who is convinced he's a famous and chivalrous knight. After Doctor Parnassus, Terry Gilliam is going back to his adaption of the book, which may or may not still be called The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. He tried and failed to film it in 2000 (above), but was interrupted by jet fighters, flash floods, serious spinal injury etc, the shoot being sort of like Apocalypse Now except it was in Spain and the film didn't get made. The book is both surreal and hilarious, perfect for Gilliam, and possible star Johnny Depp.

BOARDGAMES
After the disgustingly huge amounts of money Transformers brought in, Hollywood has gone absolutely mental for toys. First we had GI Joe, and now we have these to look forward to:

MONOPOLY

Directed by Sir Ridley Scott, who says it's going to be a comedy family movie, that also examines the nature of greed in society. I don't know what the fuck he's thinking. Scott is also attached to direct northern crime drama Red Riding and Untitled Alien Prequel, so who knows when we'll see this. Hopefully after Alien.

BATTLESHIPS

Directed by Michael Bay, who else? This is just so stupid but also so amazing I don't know what to say. Remember that bit in Pearl Harbor when the camera followed the bomb from a Japanese fighter to the deck of a US battleship and then everything blew up? Imagine that, for two hours. Wow.
RISK

Easily the most complicated game out of the three. No director is attached yet, but the object of the game is to conquer the entire world, which could be interesting, or really stupid. We're promised "tactical gambles" coupled with "an action-packed, thrilling story." The jury is very much out.

Other boardgames that should be made into films:
Trivial Pursuit: six contestants take part in a gameshow where they have to answer boring, obscure questions correctly or the penalty . . . is DEATH.
Twister: four sexy teens are lured into an abandoned house, where the only way out is to solve puzzles by placing their hands on coloured circles, or the penalty . . . is DEATH.
etc

127 HOURS

Danny Boylewas going to direct 28 Months Later, even before he started work on the massively overrated Slumdog Millen-air. It would be the third in the series, and I was hugely excited about Boyle directing again and making the series great again after the merely decent 28 Weeks. But, he has recently started work on 127 Hours, the true story of Aron Ralston, who was trapped under a boulder for five days before cutting his own arm off and escaping. Despite my disappointment, I am looking forward to this, the extreme version of the excellent Touching the Void.

SOMERS TOWN

2009-11-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

Like Cinema Paradiso, but the right length and not about film. I love brevity in films and Shane Meadows has made something pretty perfect in my eyes (the film comes in at around 66 minutes). And it has been said before, but Thomas Turgoose is brilliant and destined for greatness, he has all the best lines in the movie and he delivers them convincingly and filled with charm.

My favourite Shane Meadows film. 10/10

SLAM DUNKIN' JONES'S NEXT FILM

2009-11-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

Duncan Jones, the man behind the brilliant and under-stated Moon (one of my films of the year), is looking to make another heavily sci-fi influenced film. If Moon was his Silent Running then Mute is his Blade Runner. The film is to feature a mute man (hence the title) searching for his abducted girlfriend in a Berlin of the future. Too early to make judgements, but I will commit to seeing this just from the concept art alone.

James Cameron's IRAQATAR?

2009-11-01T14:32:00.000-08:00

CLICK HERE FOR TRAILER - EMBEDDING DISABLED

So here I am watching the new trailer for James Cameron Diaz's 3D sci-fi extravaganza Avatar, when I start thinking 'why did no one tell me this was an Iraq war film?' Think about it - the native population invaded because they live in the way of a hugely valuable natural resource? Cutting edge technology versus less well equipped insurgents? Explosions? Blue people = Iraqis.

Anyway, I like the ambiguity suggested by the new trailer, but I got a bit worried towards the end. Has Cameron gone boring and political on us? Why has nothing got blown the fuck up? And then they showed us some battle montages, and I felt much better. Avatar looks great, not only as an intriguing sci-fi story, but as an incredible-looking film. Imagine the above, exploding out of the screen in Real-O-Vision. Serious Sam Worthington strikes me as an empty, vaguely attractive shell of a leading man, but there's support from Phoebe's idiot brother from Friends ("woah . . . big octopus") and Ripley herself. I am going to watch this film.

INVICTUS (Trailer)

2009-11-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

THIS FILM WANTS OSCARS

SUPERHERO NEWS

2009-10-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

Ryan Reynolds has been cast as the Green Lantern in Green Lantern which is set for 2011. He has also been cast as Deadpool in Deadpool set for release the very same year.

Deadpool doesn't actually have a director yet so there is hope that a kingly visionary may save the good name of one of Marvel's wittiest and most loved super assassins (as he was slain in the dribble that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine earlier this year). On the subject of Directors, Green Lantern has Martin Campbell, director of two of my favourite Bond films, Goldeneye and Casino Royale, so here's hoping he can turn everyone's favourite superhero (pfffffffffft) into a decent film.

In other news everyone's favourite superhero is having some trouble with the executives trying to get a sequel shot. Yes Superman: Man Of Steel the supposedly gritty (ugh... gritty) second outing for Brandon Routh is having some trouble. Bryan Singer was on to direct, but something has happened to him and get this: Comic writing legend Mark Millar plannedthree films, running to eight hours long, which would chronicle the full life story of Superman. Sounds rad right? Millar got turned down twice because of his "connections" to Marvel. Utter bullshit. The execs were unhappy with Superman Returns performance at the box office so they announced a lower budget for the sequel and that it should "be more action-packed to appeal to the young male audience". Money-hungry idea-destroyers running rampant in Hollywood. I hope the film tanks.

REPO MAN

2009-10-27T04:53:00.000-07:00

Written and Directed by Alex Cox (1984)

I am going to go out on a limb and say that Repo Man is a "must see" film. Although the whole experience adds up to less than the sum of its parts, some of the parts are brilliant. Some would argue that the bizzare ending and general lack of direction is what makes Repo Man stand out and become the cult-classic that it is today. Not being restricted by an exact genre the film can be what it wants to be and what it wants to be is a multi-faceted look at the 80s with some good humour, awesome soundtrack (if you like Iggy Pop, he did the main theme) and a Malibu Chevvy that has something in the trunk that vaporizes humans when they look at it.

Rent it or buy it.

Side note: I bought my copy for £2.00 at Fopp, where they were also selling Paul Fart Mall Shit (Paul Blart: Mall Cop) for £12.00. Can anyone explain to me these paradoxes in the market?

Going to see lovely Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox tomorrow. I think Alex has dibs on reviewing it. Watch this space.

45365 - quicky review

2009-10-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

TRAILER IS HERE

Directors: Bill Ross IV, Turner Ross

Not going to do a proper review of this one. It's an amatuer documentary about life in small-town USA - Sidney, Ohio. The film shows us a lot of different people, but never explains who they are, what they're doing, where they're going. With no narration and no central character or narrative, you're thrown in at the deep end with absolutely no idea, giving this much less emotional impact than the recent, superior American Teen.

There are some great moments captured on film - an excruciating DUI test, high-school footballers holding hands like lovers before the big game - but there are also long periods of boredom. While a lot of the shots are brilliantly composed - the pan from the passing freight train to the football practice, the first-person shot from the fairground ride - it seems like filler, and at 90 minutes, is too long for what it is.

SURROGATES

2009-10-26T14:11:00.001-07:00

Director: Jonathan Mostow
Starring: Bruce Willis, Rosamund Pike, Ving Rhames
Writers: Michael Ferris, John D. Brancato
Released: 25th September

Surrogates has a premise that caught my attention, at least. Bruce Willis versus a world where everyone is actually robots and no one ever goes outside? Awesome, right? But Mostow doesn't seem to realise this, trying to spoon-feed us.

The film opens with a crude newsreel-style montage of how cheap, reliable robots were developed to allow people to live from the comfort oftheir own homes, and somehow wipe out racism and everything else bad in society ever? Excuse me? The film doesn't let go of the idea of living through surrogates - pretty much anyone watching this film is going to fee ltalked down to. Every advert seems to be for the sinister surrogates comany VSI, rubbish surrogate-related expository dialogue is shoehorned into conversation, and when we see the inside of VSI HQ, there are huge glowing adverts with pictures of impossibly sexy people with captions likre 'YOU, ONLY BETTER'. Oh, thanks Jonathan Mostow, because I hadn't realised that in the future, everyone is robots and the robots make everything better.

The first twenty minutes was one of the most disconcerting cinema experiences I've ever had. You don't see a single real person, but the make-up and CGI surrogates are extremely well-crafted - looking like people, but impossibly young and smooth and slighlty off. I don't know if this was intentional, but the acting is dead-eyed and emotionless, brilliantly showing us exactly what it would look like if all the parts wrre played by lifeless automatons. Both the cast's lack of expression and uncanny smoothness make Surrogates look like a live-action Polar Express.

All the weird surrogate stuff makes you appreciate the real actors a lot more - when I first saw Brucie's angry, bald, pockmarked head, complete with rubbish grey beard, I felt like cheering. When he gets bloody and urgent later on, there are echoes of Die Hard, but his Tom Greer is just plain dull. There's not a trace of John McClane's humour or charisma, leaving us with a cardboard cutout to root for.

It's only in the action scenes that we see what the film could have been. Jonathan 'Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines' Mostow knows how to mess robots up, and shows us in a sequence where Willis chases the murder suspect into a surrogates-free zone. Walking away from a helicopter crash minus an arm, hit by a Jeep, Willis' surrogate just keeps on going, like Schwarzenegger in Terminator but, yknow, not evil. The surrogates can also jump over cars, punch through walls, etc, which makes for another cool chase scene later on in the film. Surrogates are used as weapons of war - we see a huge room, filled with soldiers plugged into surrogates somewhere in the Middle East. But Mostow skips over this idea, instead giving us a pedestrian conspiracy.

Anyone walking into this film is going to expect kickarse robot action, not cod-philosophy, especially with Willis starring. But, though there is action, there's not enough, and the talky scenes have zero sense of urgency. Surrogates seems to think of itself as a smart thriller, but what this means is mostly people spewing clunky, shamelessly plot-advancing dialogue in blue backlit rooms, with a score so forgettable it was barely worth it. Willis is on autopilot. Avoid.

EVERYBODY'S FINE

2009-10-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

I'm probably not going to go see Everybody's Fine (from the Director of Nanny McPhee, make of that what you will) in spite of my love for both Bobby DeNiro and Sam Rockwell, but what the fuck is this poster?

Clearly made up of four separate photos. One of Drew and Sam looking freakishly 10 years younger and very clean. Then another of Kate Beckinsale craning her neck in gazing fondly at Barrymore's eyebrows. And most bizzarely of all is DeNiro. Has his face been photoshopped on top of someone elses face? The fourth photo is of the Christmas tree, a clear symbol that indicates a seasonal throw-away film (see Four Christmases).

And I know it has been said a thousand times, but the company that seems to make all these posters with the red writing on a white background (all year round, not just at christmas... or october) has contaminated the fine art of movie posters. To counter this post I will, at some point, post a selection of my favourite movie posters ever, maybe a top 5. Merry christmas, every one.

THE FOURTH KIND and PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (TRAILERS)

2009-10-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

Milla Jovovich playing this woman whose face has been pixelated in the most disturbing way possible in a film that is based on "actual case studies".

Well I could go into how "based on a true story" is just a marketing tool and how even the most factual documentaries alter "true stories" to some degree, this trailer is actually pretty effective. It scared me at 3:00 in the morning a week ago and it scared me a bit more when I imagined aliens that looked like owls. Chilling.

See any similarities here? Another handheld jump-fest that I assume portends to be real life or based on real life. Except even better, this trailer doesn't need The Fifth Element to tell us how frightening and disturbing the images we are about to see are, but actual terrified idiots screaming and grabbing each other in the dark with titles popping up saying "this film is bare scary" "these people were so scared and therefore you will be too". I like scary trailers, but I dare say I may never go see either of these films, partly because no one will go see them with me and because there are other non-scary non-bad films out there.

I will try to see The Fourth Kind (because aliens are better than ghosts/paranormals) and then review it. Look forward to a review of Surrogates by dear Alex in the near future.

THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARMESAN

2009-10-22T09:05:00.000-07:00

Director: Terry Gilliam
Writers: Terry Gilliam, Charles McKeown
Starring: Christopher Plummer, Andrew Garfield, Verne Troyer, Lily Cole, Tom Waits and some hunks
Release: 16 October 2009

If you like Terry Gilliam you should like this film. If you like imaginative scenery and "whacky" characters you'll be entertained for the 122 minutes that is The Imaginarium Of Dr Parnassus.
I can honestly say I only have three grievances in relation to Gilliam's latest.

1. This is the most petty of my criticisms, but CGI special effects aren't as good as the old hand-made Python-era models and animatronics. Computerised imagery lack the weight and tangibility of Jonathan Pryce's wings in Brazil or horror of the red knight in The Fisher King.

2. Lily Cole should stick to modelling. Just when you've sunk into the magic of a brilliantly decorated scene she busts in with her hoarse voice and total lack of subtlety or any idea of what acting is above the level of a 12-year-old in Eastenders. Some people may simply see her as a pretty face, but I don't even see her as that. Her head is the wrong size for her body and her mouth is as wide as her acting range (just incase you haven't noticed her mouth is flipping miniscule). Here's hoping she never acts again... just checked IMdb she's lined up for several other films.

My third issue is the non-existant story, but I'm sure you've already read a three star review that mentions that. To be quite frank the lack of story does not affect the overall impact of the film. The visuals and ideas all hit home and the intergration of the hunks to fill in for Ledger is seamless and an enjoyable part of the film. Oh and Christopher Plummer and Tom Waits are great fun and give genuinely brilliant performances which then highlight the amateur overacting of the silly Cole.

Can you put a price on your dreams? Go on Orange wednesdays and you can half that price.

7/10

TOP 10 SCHWARZENEGGER

2009-10-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

I feel no shame in saying that I love Arnold Schwarzenegger. Although that love does sometimes tend to be the ironic kind, no film guarantees more laughs with your friends as you all attempt to impersonate the Governator. This list honours the man that proved you don't need to be able to act or walk and talk or do most things correctly to be an incredibly successful film star. You just need to look good. Oh yeah. Hold onto your dicks this is a long post.

10. CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982)

Beating its more hilarious sequel, Conan The Destroyer (which I'd still recommend), Conan has many qualities making it worthy of the list. Not only is there inadvertantly chucklesome action sequences (an old man whispering "seek" to a snake before tugging it rigid and firing it with a bow), but one of the most hilarious Director's commentaries you are ever likely to hear where, at points, Arny states simply what is happening on screen, "Now we are running", "Hit him on the head... Boom", "That is funny, now we are laughing".

9. TWINS (1988)

Arnold is a physically perfect "good guy" who goes in search of his twin, played by Danny DeVito, who is a short small-time criminal. Hilarity ensues. Odd fact: DeVito went on to play The Penguin in Batman Returns and Arnold went on to be Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin (Joel Schumacher's last Batman effort not making the list unfortunately, although it does feature one of Arny's most stirling performance)

8. END OF DAYS (1999)

Arnold Schwarzenegger fights the devil.

7. JUNIOR (1994)

"Hey Arny, it's Danny D. Want to team up again for another movie? Yeah it's basically the same except this time you're pregnant"
"I'll do it"

6. JINGLE ALL THE WAY (1996)

"I'm not a pervert! I was just looking for a Turbo Man doll!"
There are many brilliant Arny lines in this festive feature. I had to choose between this and Kindergarten Cop and this won by an inch (Arny knocks out a Reindeer with one punch) and I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to all the Arny classics that didn't make it: Kindergarten Cop, The 6th Day, The Last Action Hero, Collateral Damage, Commando, Around The World in 80 Days and many more.

5. THE RUNNING MAN (1987)

Now we're onto the Arny films I love almost sincerely. The Running Man is the film adaptation of a Stephen King novel where a wrongly-convicted man (Schwarzenegger) is put into a game show where the contestants have to run for their lives. Arny even manages a reference to his own most iconic film by saying to his tormentor, "Killian! I'll be back!" to which Killian wittily replies, "Only in a rerun." That's sharp writing, but my favourite line has to be, "Uplink underground, uplink underground. If you say that one more time, I'll uplink your ass, and you'll be underground!" BAM.

4. PREDATOR (1987)

I would never have thought to cover myself in cold mud and water to fight Predator. I also wouldn't have thought to say "Knock knock" after kicking down a door and then shooting people or to say "stick around" and throw a knife at someone, pinning them to the wall. Where's his Oscar?

3. TOTAL RECALL (1990)

"If I am not me, then who the hell am I?" Arny takes on philosophical questions of being AND wheres a robotic fat woman suit AND meets a three breasted alien AND shoots lots of people on Mars. If you like films in general you owe it to yourself to see this film because (apart from Starship Troopers) there isn't a film like it.

2. TRUE LIES (1994)

Arny turns Bond in what is thought, in some circles, to be one of the greatest action films ever. Although an astonishing 141 minutes long (thanks James Cameron) the film never lets down and almost has Arny looking sophisticated in some shots like the one above, where you can't see his big silly creased face.

1. TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY (1992)

James Cameron Diaz strikes again... twice. A sequel that not only out performs the original in nearly every way, but introduces a villain scarier than Arny and thus turns the Governator into the ultimate fighting force for good, even better than RoboCop. And I love RoboCop. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to HMV to buy everything Arnold has ever been in. I'LL BE BACK TO THE CHOPPER LA VISTA BABY!?

TOP 5 - Films I'm far too excited about far too soon.

2009-10-13T00:20:00.000-07:00

This post is not going to be trailer reviews, because none of these films have trailers out yet. I still really want to see them though.

1. Alien Prequel

Director: Ridely Scott
Writer: Jon Spaihts
Starring: TBA
Release date: 2011

Let's be honest, it was all downhill from the moment Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signed off in the first film. Alien: Resurrection brought Ripley back to life as a half alien half human with acid for blood and pointy black fingernails because she had alien DNA in her because she died with a chestburster inside her. What? Luckily, Ridley Scott is returning to the franchise he originated, to tell the story of the giant stargazing 'space jockey' seen in the first film. With the director of the two greatest sci-fi films ever made on board, this could be the world's second ever Good Prequel (after Temple of Doom).

2. The Avengers

Director: TBA
Writer: Zak Penn
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Samuel L Jackson, Edward Norton
Release date: 4 May 2012

Who else shivered with delight when Sam Jackson cameoed at the end of Iron Man? Jackson plays the baddest superspy of all time, Nick Fury, leading a superteam of Iron Man, The Hulk, Captain America, Thor, and hopefully Wolverine and Ant-Man. Even if you're not a huge comic book nerd, with the amount of preperation Marvel has been doing, this film could be bigger than Transformers and Transformers 2 put together. The Ultimates comic series and the Iron Man film also hint at something a bit more political than other superhero films.

3. Iron Man 2

Director: Jon Favreau
Writer: Justin Theroux
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Scarlett Johansson, Sam Rockwell
Release date: 7 May 2010

Yes, I like comics, and my favourite comic book character is easily Iron Man. The first film was a huge treat for me, especially with my favourite actor of all time, RDJ, in the lead role. Iron Man 2 is going to be bigger, faster, more explode-y and more complicated - more complicated meaning, with more drinking and loads more Scarlett Johansson. Sam Rockwell, maybe my second favourite actor (go see Moon go see it now) plays Tony Stark's business rival Justin Hammer. If you weren't keen on the first movie, then this probably won't convince you, but I don't care.

4. Ant-Man

Director: Edgar Wright

Writers: Joe Cornish & Edgar Wright

Starring: TBA

Release date: 2012

Another Avengers movie! Before Scott Pilgrim, this was going to be Edgar Wright's next film, and I got really excited. Edgar Wright started out as a comedy director, and proved how brilliantly he can combine balls-to-the-wall, big budget action with humour in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Joe Cornish of Adam & Joe as scriptwriter also points to laughs ahoy. This could actually be a good superhero comedy, unlike Hancock which had a boring and confusing second half, and Superhero Movie, the less said about which the better. Watch this space, Edgar Wright will begin work after Scott Pilgrim.

5. My Best Friend

Director: Wes Anderson

Writer: TBA

Starring: TBA

Release date: 2011

Anderson's first remake, this is based on Mon Meilleur Ami, a French film about a grouchy antique salesman who realises he has no best friend, and because of a bet, has 10 days to find one. He meets a friendly taxi driver who just could be his first real friend. Sound cliché to you? It does to me, but it also sounds perfect for Anderson, bringing together two of his favourite themes: gruff, disillusioned middle-aged men making human connection, and incredibly rich people. For me, the whimsical Anderson can't put a foot wrong right now, and even though I know next to nothing about this film, I can't wait to see it.

UP

2009-10-11T06:03:00.000-07:00

Directors: Pete Docter, Bob Peterson (co-director)
Writers: Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Thomas McCarthy
Starring: Edwards Asner, Jordan Nagai, Christopher Plummer, Bob Peterson
Release: 9th October 2009

It's very easy to write negative criticism. It is also far more entertaining to read negative criticism. Reading a positive review is not only sometimes dull, but can have a negative affect on the reader's response to the film. I remember reading a gushing, 5 star review of Slumdog Millionaire in EMPIRE and then being slightly let down by the film itself. It's not a bad film (won too many Oscars) it's just that the review built it up. It is similar to when a friend over-enthuses about a film to such a degree that you feel like they've dirtied it in some way, that they've metaphorically licked it all over and therefore made the film theirs, marking their territory like a cat pissing on a rose bush. For this very reason I am going to review Pete Docter's (of Monsters Inc. fame) latest contribution to the almost flawless Pixar catalogue in the style of an idiot.

Up is the perplexing and improbable tale of a 78-year-old impossibly square-faced man kidnapping a small soft-skinned boy and taking him to Venezuela where they find a big Dodo that another old man is hunting. The plot gets more and more ridiculous and even includes a scene where dogs fly planes, which, as you and I know, is completely preposterous. It is almost as if this film is not real. Pixar often produce fabrications of this kind such as in Finding Nemo where, not only do the fish talk underwater, but can also read words and numbers.

On the way to the cinema I bought a Subway from Subway and paid £2.99 for it. I handed over £3.00 and to my delight I recieved 1 pence change. This was good because this is what I expected and this is what happens in real life, now if Pixar could make a film like that then they'd finally get a bit more respect from this seasoned film critic.

My main issue with Up, as you might be able to tell from the first sentence of this review, is the ridiculous subject matter. Certain facts of life are void in Pixar's weakest effort to date (not yet living up to the standards of Valiant or Little and Big Monsters look them up) and this allows for the plot to move forward and for new characters to be introduced. I was confused by the audience's laughter, crying and gasps as I felt none of these emotions. As the incredible awe-inspiring visuals and very positive use of 3D washed over me my mind began to think of other things. I started to wonder whether or not Uwe Boll got my fan-mail asking him to make the recent game Wet into a feature length film. Then I started to think about my empty apartment and whether or not I remembered to feed Tom Cruise and Mischa Barton, my pet terrapins. Terrapins are quite compassionate pets. The kids at school never understood so I'd have to hit them. I had to do it. I had to. Might go buy Speed Racer on DVD... Days of Thunder is good too... wait where am I?

END OF REVIEW

I'm not going to give Up a rating, just go see it.

OR you could buy the latest in Pixar knock-offs: What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue!

Just watch the few minutes where they catch "the frenchman". Mind boggling.

TOOTH FAIRY (Trailer) + PRECIOUS (Trailer)

2009-10-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

Did you think Will Ferrel's character in 2003's big Christmas hit Elf was too much of a pussy? Then thank god for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson taking on the role of a hockey player turned tooth fairy in a film directed by the man who brought us The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. Watch out for the bit in the trailer where Dwayne, in a low whispy voice, says "I'm the tooth fairy... ... ... Oh yeah." Brilliant (but obviously not really brilliant, I still don't understand films that seem to have the message of "let your imagination take flight, believe in tooth fairies" where the whole plot makes a joke of lying to young children and through its over-the-top depiction of the myth reinforcing how ridiculously impossible it is and therefore, by extension, how stupid children really must be) NEXT TRAILER:

First off, my gripe is not really with the film or its content because, as a male from a middle class family (and as I expect, just like the majority of other film critics) I would never dream of giving such a film a negative review in fear of appearing maybe just a tad Hitler. People can give The Soloist a bad review because it's got Robert Downey Jr. in it and it doesn't have the independent film, rags to riches angle to it that Precious does.

I would advise you all to watch the "exclusive" trailer on apple trailers for the purposes of this post: http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/precious/

As I said my problem lies not with the film, but with the trailers. First off, why the hell is every trailer being produced these days twelve million hours long? Two minutes and a half is way too long to advertise a film, it is so long in fact that you get to see most of the movie, in Precious's case, I dare say, all of the big scenes. Brevity is key to film-making in general. 2:30 mins is a minute too long just as Deer Hunter or Once Upon A Time in America are 3 hours too long (although both brilliant films it takes something away from them).

Secondly, I know Oprah is queen of America and holds more power than Obama and Jesus combined, but what is she doing in a movie trailer? Trailers are heavily edited versions of films that should sell the product to the audience on its own merits, the District 9 trailer didn't have Peter Jackson pitching in every 30 seconds saying "This film is just so powerful" unlike Precious where Oprah and some bloke interupt to tell us how proud they are to present this "independent" film (whatever consitutes as independent). Oprah even says "I want everybody I know to go see it" well just tell your friends then, not the entire internet.

Thirdly, I don't care how good Mariah Carey's performance is her presence will ruin whatever part of the film she is in (she's got dark hair to confuse the morons, she's a Harlem social worker or something) because whenever you see her it will pull you out of the film as you think "Oh that's Mariah Carey hur hur hur." I know you get that with certain actors anyway, but I just hate her and would rather see her in Lars Von Trier's Antichrist, except she gets the shit kicked out of her by Willem Dafoe.

I'm going to see Up tonight so look forward to a totally unbias review from the world's biggest Pixar fanatic :)

Bad Lieutenant (trailer)

2009-10-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

THE FILM THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT NICOLAS CAGE

Director: Werner Herzog
Writer: William M. Finkelstein
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes
Release: 20th November 2009

Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans stars Nicolas Cage as a crooked and drug-addicted cop. While it has been called a remake of Abel Ferrara's 1992 Bad Lieutenant, Herzog claims he has never heard of Ferrara. Ferrera is outraged by the new film, saying of the cast and crew, “I hope they're all in the same streetcar, and it blows up.” Good luck, Werner!

The main draw of the film for me is undoubtedly Nicolas Cage in what looks to be a decent acting role. Cage’s name is now almost a byword for over-the-top, caricatured acting and a terrible choice of roles. From Con Air, as the two-dimensional family man Cameron Poe, to the unwittingly hilarious remake of The Wicker Man – “How’d it get burned, how’d it get burned, how’d it get burned?” – Cage has rightly come under a lot of fire. I have a feeling this film could change all that.

Herzog has proven he can handle a mainstream Hollywood movie with Rescue Dawn, and as a director with a keen eye for the weird, I believe he can bring the story of a hallucinating cop to life. His presence suggests that this will not be just another cookie-cutter crime drama.

The cast besides Cage is encouraging. Val Kilmer has already proven his crime movie mettle in both Heat and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, my favourite film of all time. He is joined by Eva Mendes and Alvin ‘Xzibit’ Joiner, already established as a rapper-turned actor.

This looks to be one of Cage’s least sympathetic roles yet, and possibly his weirdest. Playing such an obnoxious, selfish bastard could be liberating for him, allowing him to put his weird, lanky screen presence to good use. And from the look of the trailer, he’s fed some brilliant one-liners: “What are these fucking iguanas doing on my coffee table?”, “This is my lucky crack pipe.”

Even if this film isn’t Cage’s redemption, the novelty of seeing him fire a gun in the air while grabbing a woman’s naked arse just might make me see it anyway. Fingers crossed.

DEATH PROOF

2009-10-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

If I stuck religiously to the reviews within the RadioTimes I may never have watched Death Proof due to it's fairly obtuse mini-review, giving it two stars and then giving "repetetive thriller" as a reason. I suppose it is hard to fit in "Tarantino should be doing much better original stories rather than re-hashing old ideas in an absurd nostalgic fanboy's quest" into that little gap and although I agree with this to a degree, Death Proof is in no way a two star film.

First off you've got Kurt Russell, who I love because of John Carpenter's version of The Thing and Escape From New York and even Sky High, playing a fairly creepy, yet oddly charismatic lead/villain/victim. On top of that you have an excellent soundtrack with one song being highlighted by Tarantino in the dialogue: Hold Tight! by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich. I might also add that the first half is nearly flawless and it is only in the second act that my problems with the film rear their stupid female heads. The film, in short, is this: Classic Tarantino dialogue with nice slow pacing THEN AN AMAZING CAR SEQUENCE then a new batch of women that aren't as good as the first batch talk for a bit THEN ANOTHER AMAZINGLY EXCITING CAR SEQUENCE - ABRUPT ENDING. The first amazing car sequence features one of the most fantastically shot crashes I have ever seen and if, like me, you have Steven Speilberg's Dual as one of your favourite films ever you will no doubt enjoy these moments more than anything.

Here are my only problems. The abrupt ending which, by telling you about it, should seem less abrupt, I wish someone had told me about it so I wouldn't have been so taken-a-back. Then there are the morally dubious women in the second act, with the exclusion of Mary Elizabeth Winstead who is supposedly left to be raped by a thick grease monkey.

I do believe Tarantino should pull his head out of his arse and stop making films to show us how much he likes films and Eli Roth, but Death Proof is a bloody good ride while it lasts. 8/10

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (trailer)

2009-10-03T04:13:00.001-07:00

Spike Jonze is one of my favourite Directors and "Where The Wild Things Are" was one of my favourite books when I was young and still is. If you are in the same position as me then no doubt you are as intensely excited about this film. Some of the shots in the trailer completely blow my mind and I think the beasts look great.

Roll on December. This film deserves to smash all other Christmas Themed tripe out of the box office and make Spike Jonze, and the fittingly named star, Max Records, very rich and very famous.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (trailer)

2009-10-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

Director: Samuel Bayer
Writers: Wesley Strick, Eric Heisserer (props to Wes Craven)
Starring: Rorschach, Some young actors
Release: 30th April 2010 (USA no UK release date yet)

I must admit when I saw the artical about this film in Empire I fobbed it off as another bollocks take on a classic horror franchise (see: the two Texas Chainsaw Massacre films or Friday 13th remake, both produced by Michael "Bayhem" Bay), but now having seen the trailer and finding out that this is also being produced by Optimus Prime I can safely say that my initial instincts were correct.

The slick trailer and the involvement of Jackie Earle Haley had me fooled for a few seconds, but then I realised this was infact a copy of the original (I like to say copy because it makes it sound cheap, but Hollywood types like to say "re-imagining"). Most of the old iconic shots (hand in the bath, girl floating above her bed Exorcist-style) are being showcased proving that, although nice to look at, this "homage" to Wes Craven's classic (which isn't even that good anyway) has little innovation and without anything new or unknown you lose one of the key elements of horror and therefore the only thing that might scare me within this predicted-to-be-predictable copy will be the jumpy bits that catch everyone off guard anyway.

Wes Craven's original was great because of its inventive deaths and genuinely scary and new plot that allowed such horrific death scenes. I dare say this film will make good at the box office, but undeservedly so.

We'll have to wait and see if he can be re-imagined to haunt our nights once more, but I reckon we'll all be getting to bed at a reasonable hour.

TOP 5 - Computer Animated Films I'm Excited About

2009-10-01T05:27:00.000-07:00

5. The Smurfs (2011)

That’s right, The Smurfs. On the big screen. Renowned film maker Raja Gosnell, the man who brought us such classics as Home Alone 3, Scooby Doo and Big Momma’s House, is set to direct. Normally I would immediately write this film off as Hollywood douchery but with Colin Brady (a man who helped to bring us ACTUAL classics such as Toy Story, Toy Story 2 and A Bug’s Life) listed as director of animation I have faith that this film will be, at the very least, visually stunning. I for one can’t smurfing wait.

4. Shrek Forever After (2010)

We all remember the roaring laugh-fests that were the first two Shrek Films. And I’m sure some of us also remember the roaring suck-fest that was Shrek the Third. With two great films vouching for this franchise it’s safe to say I am excited to see what Shrek and Donkey have to offer the fourth time around.

3. Astro Boy (2009)

This film looks amazing. I’m not overly familiar with the “Astro Boy” franchise but as I understand it this young robot boy is quite the legend in Japan. Genndy Tartakovsky was billed as director in 2004 but unfortunately left the project. Imagi Animation Studios announced in 2006 that they would be producing an all CGI Astro Boy, and now here it is. I only hope non-actor Nicolas Cage doesn’t ruin it. Granted it may be difficult to ruin a film with just one bad voice actor, but I wouldn’t put it past Mr. Cage. What he lacks in talent he makes up for in the uncanny ability to ruin whatever film he’s involved with.

2. Up (2009)

Whenever anyone mentions this film I find myself asking the same question over and over again: why the hell haven’t I seen this movie yet? The UK usually gets the short end of the stick when it comes to release dates, but we’ve been waiting over 5 months for Pixar’s latest adventure to find its way onto our screens. The writers here at “Scattergun” actually had an opportunity to see “Up” earlier this summer at Glastonbury Festivle, but due to unforeseen circumstances (slow ass bitches) we missed out. It’s overwhelmingly positive reviews make this one of the most anticpated computer animated films in recent years, second only to:

1. Toy Story 3 (2010)

It’s finally here. The movie that sparked Hollywood’s obsession with computer animation is back. After 10 long years in development hell, Buzz and the gang return to the big screen. Many thought that Toy Story 3 would never see the light of day. There was a degree of turbulence between Disney and Pixar, with Disney retaining the rights to the characters but Pixar holding the “right of first refusal” to work on the third instalment. Disney planned on going ahead with production without Pixar, but this version was shelved after Disney’s acquisition of Pixar in 2006. Thank fuck. The film was officially announced in 2007 with production transferred entirely to Pixar. Summer 2010 never seemed so far away.

A Serious Man (Trailer)

2009-09-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

Directors: Joel and Ethan Coen
Writers: Joel and Ethan Coen
Staring: Michael Stuhlbarg, Richard Kind, Fred Melamed
Release: 2nd October 2009

The Coen Brothers are an unfortunate pair of directors. With so many cult classic under their united belt (Fargo, The Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona ) any movie they release that doesn’t quite measure up to their unbelievably high standard of film making is destined to disappoint. Burn After Reading, Intolerable Cruelty and The Lady Killers, respectable films if judged by any normal standard, are deemed forgettable and sub-par when they come from the duo that brought “The Dude” to the big screen.

The Coen Brothers will once again have to measure up to that standard with their latest release “A Serious Man”. The buzz this film got earlier in the year shows that expectations have already been set unreasonably high with fans hoping for this to be the brothers’ “masterpiece”. ‘A serious Man’ clearly has a lot to live up to, especially when coming from two directors who already have spawned several films that any director would be proud to call their magnum opus.

The trailer itself could be deemed a masterpiece of cinema; suspenseful, funny and well-paced. I feel that I have an emotional connection to the character already despite having seen him only in a brief two minute teaser.

Although the trailer reveals little in terms of plot, one thing’s clear; The Coen Brothers are back to their trademark dark comedy style that earned them their cult following. As for whether or not the film itself proves to be the “masterpiece” fans are hoping for, we’ll have to wait and see. UK fans however will unsurprisingly have to wait slightly longer, with the UK release date pegged for the 20th November.

TOP 5 - Films I'm Not Looking Forward To

2009-09-30T15:13:00.000-07:00

5. A Christmas Carol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ3lr3urgDU

I love you Jim Carrey, but no one should encourage Robert Zemeckis in his retarded quest to create something in between live-action and animation as the product is usually a big beefy turd like Beowulf or Polar Express. However if you get fairly smashed before hand and see it in 3D at the IMAX you'll most probably be giddy throughout. Oh and no adaptation is as good as A Muppet's Christmas Carol .

4. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

Well if the title has you chuckling and if watching a twig fall into a puddle cracks you up then you'll probably be in fits of uncontrollable laughter after that trailer. Although the creative genius behind this film, Tucker Max (a name that sounds like a pre-packaged lunch or a nickname for a child molester) is apparently a well-respected blogger and writer with a good few followers, this Hangover knock-off is so far down my list of things-to-watch that it's nudged My Own Shit Composing off of the bottom.

3. Capitalism: A Love Story

As ever Michael Moore goes about making himself even more hate-able than his subject matter. He successfully made George Bush seem as charming and loveable as Will Smith in relation to himself and now he is going to do the same with capitalism. I don't even have much of a beef with capitalism so Chubby Chubby McFat Fat might have outdone himself with this one.

2. DARE

Despite there being a prospect of intrigue and something slightly barable about the story and writing in the trailer I can't stand 30 year-olds playing 18 year-olds (other than Jonah Hill in Superbad) and there is literally nothing in this film that appeals to me. The lead girl is not only a forgettable face, but seems to have all the charisma of a wet potatoe. The soundtrack sounds shit too.

1. LOVE HAPPENS

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What's that I hear you all cry? It's Aaron Eckheart, that lovely Harvey Dent fellow. He was brilliant in Thank You For Smoking what could possibly bring him down? Quite simply... Jennifer Aniston. My colleagues on this site may disagree with my sentiments, but the one trick pony (most often known as "Rachel from friends") is like a sort of black hole or an anchor, one that Brad Pitt had the good sense to shake off years ago. She drags any actor or film with vague potential down into the abyss with her irritating "quirky" mannerisms and limited acting skills. She'll fuck him up worse than The Joker and I defy anyone to pay to see this film.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (trailer)

2009-09-30T14:16:00.000-07:00

Directors: Wes Anderson
Writers: Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach (novel by Roald Dahl)
Staring: George Clooney, Bill Murray, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman, Owen Wilson, Willem Dafoe, Adrien Brody, Brian Cox, Michael Gambon
Release: 23rd October 2009

The more I see of Wes Anderson's upcoming stop-motion debut the more excited I get. The animation is indeed unlike anything, but so is the voice-acting. If you have a moment you should watch the featurette (http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/fantasticmrfox/) that shows how they recorded the actors. You will see George Clooney rolling around in some grass and shouting his lines and then when you watch a clip of the film you can really hear what they've done.

A visually stunning trailer and with so much charm it is almost hard to digest. There are some good gags too and all the Anderson favourites are lending their talent to what I hope to be one of the big contenders at the Oscars for Best Animated Feature Film (although I might not want it to beat UP). Watch this space.

BRAZIL

2009-09-30T14:02:00.001-07:00

It’s been a while since Terry Gilliam has come close to the magic of Brazil or The Fisher King, two of his best. With The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parmesan (Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium?) coming out this month we’ll either be shown a fantastic return to form or just be reminded of how good it used to be. It’s because of this that I sat down to watch Brazil the other night and as I watched Jonathan Pryce flying around dystopia like a metallic demi-god I was reminded of the time when the Monty Python guru could simultaneously amuse and disgust and even intrigue so fantastically. Brazil just makes the insipid The Brothers Grimm even more unbearable (try not to watch it if you can).

Anyway the basic plot (if you’ve been mad enough to avoid Brazil for all these years) is this: Jonathan Pryce is Sam Lowry, lonely office worker in a bureaucratic retro-future. He has wild dreams in which he soars through the sky and often encounters a beautiful Goddess. In attempting to correct an administrative error and to get close to the woman from his dreams Sam becomes a wanted man. I won’t spoil the rest of the film for you, despite to say the lines of reality start to blur and Robert De Niro makes an appearance as a member of the resistance to the 1984-style oppressive government.

The bureaucratic future is so over-the-top that brilliantly ludicrous lines such as “This is your receipt for your husband... and this is my receipt for your receipt” are common-place and a Python-esque mood sits below the slightly creepy and disturbing surface at all times. In one particular restaurant scene one still gets the feeling that Mr Creosote could appear at any moment, so the charm of Gilliam’s earlier work is still very much in tact. Parts of Brazil will remain in your subconscious for years and this brings me to wonder why the brilliance and slightly disturbing nature of this 1985 masterpiece cannot be reproduced. It could of course partly be that Brazil is one of a kind, but The Fisher King (that I might review at some point) is just as exceptional. One can only assume that Gilliam is fading out like a white Stevie Wonder and that he may never fly as high as he once did. Again if you haven’t seen Gilliam’s finest I can’t recommend it enough. From Sam Lowry’s pitch perfect performance to one of the best final acts in any film ever made Brazil will be put into our top 100 greatest films of all time and will hopefully be joined by Doctor Parnassus, but I am not holding my breath

Sam Lowry: Give my best to Alison and the twins.
Jack Lint: Triplets.
Sam Lowry: Triplets? My how time flies

Classic. 10/10