Thursday, 5 November 2009

You want the news? You can't handle the news!


Don Quixote, by Miguel Cervantes, is a book about an old man who is convinced he's a famous and chivalrous knight. After Doctor Parnassus, Terry Gilliam is going back to his adaption of the book, which may or may not still be called The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. He tried and failed to film it in 2000 (above), but was interrupted by jet fighters, flash floods, serious spinal injury etc, the shoot being sort of like Apocalypse Now except it was in Spain and the film didn't get made. The book is both surreal and hilarious, perfect for Gilliam, and possible star Johnny Depp.

After the disgustingly huge amounts of money Transformers brought in, Hollywood has gone absolutely mental for toys. First we had GI Joe, and now we have these to look forward to:


Directed by Sir Ridley Scott, who says it's going to be a comedy family movie, that also examines the nature of greed in society. I don't know what the fuck he's thinking. Scott is also attached to direct northern crime drama Red Riding and Untitled Alien Prequel, so who knows when we'll see this. Hopefully after Alien.


Directed by Michael Bay, who else? This is just so stupid but also so amazing I don't know what to say. Remember that bit in Pearl Harbor when the camera followed the bomb from a Japanese fighter to the deck of a US battleship and then everything blew up? Imagine that, for two hours. Wow.

Easily the most complicated game out of the three. No director is attached yet, but the object of the game is to conquer the entire world, which could be interesting, or really stupid. We're promised "tactical gambles" coupled with "an action-packed, thrilling story." The jury is very much out.

Other boardgames that should be made into films:
Trivial Pursuit: six contestants take part in a gameshow where they have to answer boring, obscure questions correctly or the penalty . . . is DEATH.
Twister: four sexy teens are lured into an abandoned house, where the only way out is to solve puzzles by placing their hands on coloured circles, or the penalty . . . is DEATH.


Danny Boylewas going to direct 28 Months Later, even before he started work on the massively overrated Slumdog Millen-air. It would be the third in the series, and I was hugely excited about Boyle directing again and making the series great again after the merely decent 28 Weeks. But, he has recently started work on 127 Hours, the true story of Aron Ralston, who was trapped under a boulder for five days before cutting his own arm off and escaping. Despite my disappointment, I am looking forward to this, the extreme version of the excellent Touching the Void.

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