Sunday, 11 October 2009


Directors: Pete Docter, Bob Peterson (co-director)
Writers: Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Thomas McCarthy
Starring: Edwards Asner, Jordan Nagai, Christopher Plummer, Bob Peterson
Release: 9th October 2009

It's very easy to write negative criticism. It is also far more entertaining to read negative criticism. Reading a positive review is not only sometimes dull, but can have a negative affect on the reader's response to the film. I remember reading a gushing, 5 star review of Slumdog Millionaire in EMPIRE and then being slightly let down by the film itself. It's not a bad film (won too many Oscars) it's just that the review built it up. It is similar to when a friend over-enthuses about a film to such a degree that you feel like they've dirtied it in some way, that they've metaphorically licked it all over and therefore made the film theirs, marking their territory like a cat pissing on a rose bush. For this very reason I am going to review Pete Docter's (of Monsters Inc. fame) latest contribution to the almost flawless Pixar catalogue in the style of an idiot.

Up is the perplexing and improbable tale of a 78-year-old impossibly square-faced man kidnapping a small soft-skinned boy and taking him to Venezuela where they find a big Dodo that another old man is hunting. The plot gets more and more ridiculous and even includes a scene where dogs fly planes, which, as you and I know, is completely preposterous. It is almost as if this film is not real. Pixar often produce fabrications of this kind such as in Finding Nemo where, not only do the fish talk underwater, but can also read words and numbers.

On the way to the cinema I bought a Subway from Subway and paid £2.99 for it. I handed over £3.00 and to my delight I recieved 1 pence change. This was good because this is what I expected and this is what happens in real life, now if Pixar could make a film like that then they'd finally get a bit more respect from this seasoned film critic.

My main issue with Up, as you might be able to tell from the first sentence of this review, is the ridiculous subject matter. Certain facts of life are void in Pixar's weakest effort to date (not yet living up to the standards of Valiant or Little and Big Monsters look them up) and this allows for the plot to move forward and for new characters to be introduced. I was confused by the audience's laughter, crying and gasps as I felt none of these emotions. As the incredible awe-inspiring visuals and very positive use of 3D washed over me my mind began to think of other things. I started to wonder whether or not Uwe Boll got my fan-mail asking him to make the recent game Wet into a feature length film. Then I started to think about my empty apartment and whether or not I remembered to feed Tom Cruise and Mischa Barton, my pet terrapins. Terrapins are quite compassionate pets. The kids at school never understood so I'd have to hit them. I had to do it. I had to. Might go buy Speed Racer on DVD... Days of Thunder is good too... wait where am I?


I'm not going to give Up a rating, just go see it.

OR you could buy the latest in Pixar knock-offs: What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue!

Just watch the few minutes where they catch "the frenchman". Mind boggling.

1 comment:

  1. 1st! this is what you're meant to do, right?